Thanks to my wonderful betas Greywolf, Mary A. Shukes, and T'Aaneli. If there are any mistakes left they are all mine.
 
 
 

Kirk walked slowly down the street. The air was crisp and cold. It felt good. He could walk for hours in this weather. There was nothing like New York City in the fall, he thought.

He turned slightly and looked at the woman who was walking next to him. She had dark brown hair, dark eyes, and nice full lips. 

Edith.

She was talking--talking quite animatedly, as if the topic was of great importance. But he couldn't hear her. He couldn't hear anything. Silence surrounded him. What was she saying? He stared at her lips in a vain attempt at lip reading. He resented not being able to hear. He wanted to hear her voice, to hear that lovely accent. She had such a cultured way about her. 

She hooked her arm around his, sidling closer to him. They shared a smile. Kirk wondered vaguely where they were going. But he didn't really care, wanting just to be for now. Content in the sheer simplicity of it.

They walked.

Abruptly she let go of his arm and turned to face him. She was asking something, he could tell by the expectant smile in her eyes. What is it? What are you asking me? He felt his lips move, but he couldn't hear himself. 

He was suddenly gripped by fear. The beating of his heart became louder, deafening. He reached for her, wanting to crush her against his chest. Wanting to hide her from the rest of the world, but she wasn't there. His arms were empty.

He stared in horror as she turned from him and started to cross the street. Oh Dear God NO! Edith come back! He yelled at the top of his lungs, but there was still no sound, just the rapid-fire beat of his heart.

Then he heard everything. 

He was nearly knocked down by the explosion of sound that assaulted his ears. People talking, cars blaring, venders yelling, and the ubiquitous rumble of New York City. And above it all, a high-pitched screech as a large truck rocketed around the corner.

Struggling to be heard above the noise he yelled "Edith! Look Out!" He saw her turn her head and see the truck heading her way. She froze in fear.

He yelled again, "Edith!" This time she turned and looked at him.

And time stopped.

Jim, help me Jim. I don't want to die 

Edith, I'm so sorry 

A blood curdling scream, a sickening thump, and it was over. Kirk ran with all his might to Edith. But he couldn't get to her. The street was suddenly miles wide and she kept on getting further and further away.

Kirk woke up with a start, his heart beating fast against his chest.

He turned his head and glanced at the clock next to his bed.

01:44

He had been asleep for 40 min. 

He lay in bed. He didn't want to sleep, but he knew he had to. Too many days now, too many days of no sleep and his body just couldn't take it any more. He had a piercing headache, the kind that just shoots pain randomly so you never know when to expect it. McCoy called them tension headaches, brought on by stress and lack of sleep.

He looked at the clock again.

01:51

He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind. Tried not to think of anything. 

Blank. I am blank. There is nothing. Just emptiness.

Please, no dreams. 

Spock sat in darkness. Darkness he could not see. But he could feel it, enveloping him like a blanket. 

He welcomed the darkness. For a blind man, it made no difference.

His internal clock told him it was 02:00 ship time, the middle of the night. Even at this late hour the ship hummed with activity. He sensed it all around him. Life, a life he was a part of no longer.

The pull of slumber was strong, calling him invitingly. Although he was exhausted, he did not wish to sleep. Sleep held no peace for him, only dreams of loss. Awake he had his memories. Maybe they were the same. In the end it did not matter, both carried pain.

Spock focused his thoughts inwards, to the only place that still had sight. He was suddenly filled with the urge to withdraw completely, to remove himself from the world he had lost. But the moment passed and he remained.

They would be leaving Deneva tomorrow, once the seeding of the atmosphere was complete and the creatures destroyed. Spock was suddenly gripped with an illogical desire to stop time, for once they left orbit, there was no going back and his future was unavoidable. It was totally illogical; his condition would remain the same regardless of his whereabouts.

Kaiidith.

He must learn to accept what is. As soon as the Enterprise reached Starbase 10, his life here on board the Enterprise would end.

He would say goodbye to his career. Goodbye to his friends. Goodbye to his captain.

What of his captain? Who would protect him once he was gone? McCoy? Perhaps. Perhaps McCoy would succeed where Spock had failed.

And he had failed. That was the unavoidable truth. The past month had seen one failure after another. 

Spock could not avoid the memory of his actions during their time on the Guardian's planet, in the past of New York City. He had betrayed his captain in his hour of need. With one touch, he had caused an abyss to open up between Kirk and himself. Kirk could barely stand to look at him now, barely spoke to him outside of duty. 

Spock had tried to apologize for his inpropriety, but Kirk would have none of it. It was better left forgotten, he had said, just a moment created from the stress of the situation, there was nothing to forgive.

But Spock could see how Kirk avoided his eyes, how he shied away from any further contact. The damage done.

Then there was Deneva. Spock shivered with the remembered pain inflicted by those creatures. He could do nothing for Kirk there. Could not save his brother or his sister-in-law. Could not even save himself. It had been Kirk's insight that had freed them all. Spock had been completely useless. There was no alternative. He would leave the Enterprise and fail his captain no more. 

He would lose even that pain.

Enough. Spock was Vulcan. Vulcan's did not sit and bemoan their unavoidable circumstances. The time for self-loathing was over.

Then he heard his name being called.

Spock. Where are you? Spock. I don't know where you are? Please...answer me. 

The voice cut through his reverie and pulled him out of darkness.

It was Kirk, calling to him. But calling him from where? 

Spock could not ignore his captain, that undeniable brightness pulling him toward Kirk's mind. With only a moment's hesitation, he answered it, falling mentally towards his friend.

Kirk was running.

Running down the empty corridors of the Enterprise searching for something. What was he searching for? He didn't know. All he knew was that he had to find it and quick. Something was wrong, but he couldn't think of what it was. Why was he running? Where was everybody? 

Spock. Where was Spock? McCoy? And what of the rest of his crew? The yeomans, lieutenants, and commanders. Where were Uhura and Sulu?

He tried opening different rooms, but they were all locked, every single one of them. And there was no turbolift. There was just endless hallway after endless hallway.

He tried calling out. "Spock! Where are you Spock!" But the sound fell dead in the silent corridors. 

Only they weren't so silent. Suddenly Kirk began to hear a buzzing sound getting louder and louder with each passing second.

Oh God, the creatures. They've taken the ship. I've got to get to the bridge. They have my ship. Where is Spock?

Kirk started running down the hallway, almost frantic with desperation, searching for anybody, calling out the names of his crew. All he found was emptiness.

He was fighting real panic now, pounding on doors and screaming into the silence, desperate to find help of any kind.

Faintly, there came a cry from somewhere.

"Captain. Over here Captain. Help us. The creatures, they're attacking. Captain."

"Spock. Is that you? Where are you? Spock!"

Kirk couldn't tell from which direction the voices were coming from. They were faint and far away.

"Spock! Where are you? Tell me where you are." 

The buzzing was increasing, getting louder and louder. Kirk reached for his phaser, but there was nothing there. He tried looking for the creatures, but saw only empty corridors. He could hear their buzzing and the loud beating of his heart.

"Jim! Help!"

"Bones? Damn it! Somebody answer me!"

He suddenly felt something fly past him. He cringed and dropped to the floor. Several other creatures whizzed past him. He backed up against the wall of the corridor in a defensive position, his eyes searching for the creatures, but they were quick and there was nothing there.

Then the screams started. 

They seemed to come from every direction, surrounding him. Glass-shattering screams that turned his blood to ice.

He started shaking uncontrollably, sitting on the floor. He didn't know which direction to go and the creatures kept swooping over his head. Guilt and fear took control and he froze, sitting there on the floor of the Enterprise as the screams of his crew filled the air.

I'm failing. I'm losing them. I'm losing him. 

"Spock. Where are you? Spock. I don't know where you are? Please...answer me."

It was no use. He was alone. The creatures had his ship, they had his crew, and he would be left with nothing.

I am here Jim.

Kirk looked up, but saw nothing. He got up slowly. 

"Spock?" He turned around in a circle, searching for his friend. Then suddenly, there he was, standing before him. Relief flooded over Kirk as he reached to grab the Vulcan.

"Spock, we have to get out of here. The creatures! They've taken the ship. We have to get it back!"

Jim.

"Quickly Spock, they're everywhere."

Spock raised his hands and placed them on Kirk's arms. Kirk instantly felt the heat seep through his uniform to his skin.

Jim. It is all right. Your ship is safe. Your crew is safe. The creatures are not here. You are dreaming, T'hy'la. Nothing will harm you.

Kirk stood still, accepting Spock's words. He wanted to believe those words. They held truth. They held peace.

"I'm dreaming?"

Yes.

That one word was like a charm that broke the spell. The screams stopped. The buzzing stopped, and Kirk felt the vise grip on his heart release. He looked up into the eyes of his first officer and best friend and surrendered his fear.

"Thank you. " Kirk whispered softly. 

The heat from the Vulcan's touch began to spread throughout his body. It seemed to pour out of Spock's eyes as well as his hands, encompassing the air around them.

Kirk remembered that heat and couldn't stop his body from answering it.

He raised his hands and placed them on Spock's arms, as the surroundings changed. They were no longer on the Enterprise. They were in a dark room, the only light coming through a window where the night sky could be seen clearly. 

"Are you dreaming as well?"

In a way, yes.

"How did you know I needed you?" 

I heard you call me.

Kirk looked up into the Vulcan's eyes and smiled. He looked at Spock, as Spock looked back at him and knew--this had to be a dream.

"Spock?" He raised his hand to Spock's face and lightly touched his eyes.

Yes, I can see. For now.

What had been nightmare, was now...

Kirk let himself drown in the depths of Spock's eyes. He realized at that moment, how much he missed looking at those beautiful brown eyes. Why had he ever stopped?

Slowly, he leaned in as he held Spock's gaze. He needed to taste that heat, while he could, here in his dreams.

02:42

"Sickbay to Captain Kirk."

Kirk woke suddenly. He had been somewhere else. Someplace warm and dark and...Stars?

"Jim? You there?"

He quickly got his bearings and got up to reach for the intercom.

"I'm here. What is it Bones."

"Sorry to wake you. I know I'm the one who told you to get some sleep, but your nephew's awake now, and I think you should see him."

Kirk let out a sigh. "I'll be right there. Kirk out."

02:47

Kirk stepped out of his quarters and walked towards the turbolift, then stopped and stood in the middle of the corridor.

He closed his eyes as his dream came rolling back, robbing him of breath and causing him to shudder.

It was just a dream. 

Kirk began to breathe again. Yet he didn't continue towards the turbolift. He remained in the middle of the corridor, rooted to that spot. He had stopped just outside of Spock's quarters. Slowly he turned and walked to stand and face the closed doors.

He could feel the distance between Spock and himself as if it was a palpable entity with a life of it's own. An entity made of fire.

Kirk remembered. He remembered that last moment of his dream before he woke.

A heartbeat passed, and then he turned and walked away, heading down the corridor.

He pushed the memory away. Not now, he told himself. His nephew needed him, that planet needed him. This madness that plagued him must wait.

Wait till when?

The thought stopped him and once again he stood in the middle of the corridor. 

Wait till he's no longer here? Wait till you've lost him forever? Like you lost Edith. You've probably already lost him. What are you waiting for James T. Kirk?

The questions remained unanswered as he entered the turbolift and headed for Sickbay.

02:53

Spock continued to sit in the dark. He had just finished dictating his official letter of resignation to the computer.

It had been a lot easier then he had thought. For some reason, he had been concerned that having to say the words out loud would have made the task difficult. But of course, that was illogical. 

All that remained was to transmit it to the captain. A simple press of a button, a few words spoken to the computer. Yet he hesitated. Why?

The letter was a mere formality. It was not as if the captain was not expecting it. In truth, it should have been sent earlier that day. 

Kirk was no longer in his quarters. Spock knew that. He had felt Kirk's presence as he stood outside his quarters. Spock had almost gotten up at that moment and invited Kirk in. 

But he had not known what to say. 'Good evening Sir. My apologies for invading your sleep. It seems to be a particular fault of mine. I am aware that these invasions cause you discomfort. Rest assured, soon I shall leave and this discord between us will end.'

He had let the moment pass, as he had let so many other moments between he and his captain pass. 

In truth, that shared dream had left him...anchorless. It was too similar to that night back in New York City.

Spock shivered as he remembered that touch. That one touch which had led him to his current state of confusion and...want? Yes, he could not lie to himself, he wanted. The force of his wanting was threatening to overcome all his other senses.

That was why it was best for all that he was leaving. Kirk did not need the added burden of a blind ex-first officer distracting him from his ship and duty. He was a liability, not an asset. Add to this equation his growing emotional attachment to Kirk and there was no other recourse; he must leave. 

Spock was many things, but he was not a fool. He knew the reason for his condition. There was a bond forming between Kirk and himself. That was why they felt so drawn towards each other, why Spock could touch Kirk's mind with just a turn of his thoughts.

It was not fair to subject Kirk to that for which he did not ask. The bond was young and unformed; it would not take much to dissolve it. Only Spock's cowardliness had prevented him from going to Kirk and explaining the situation to him. 

But if truth be spoken, it was not only cowardliness that held him back, but hope. Hope that there might be a chance, a possibility...

Now, there was no point. He would be returning to Vulcan, where the healers would remove any traces of the link and sever all connection between he and his captain.

It was the logical thing to do.

Kirk left sickbay at 03:42 and headed back to his quarters. Peter had finally fallen asleep. The boy would be all right. He had cried and Kirk had held him. It would be some time before he smiled and laughed the way he used to, but Kirk did not doubt he would one day be himself again. He was a resilient young man; it ran in the family.

That brought a smile to Kirk's lips. This past hour had taught him a valuable lesson, the true face of courage, the face of a ten-year-old boy.

He thought it ironic that Peter would be the one to open his eyes and show him what he was letting slip by. Yes, he had lost Sam, and Edith, but he still had Peter. He still had the Enterprise.

The turbolift deposited him on his deck and he started walking towards his quarters. As he passed Spock's quarters, he paused.

But have I lost Spock? 

There was only one way to find out.

He turned and approached the closed doors to Spock's quarters. Kirk felt like he was standing on a precipice and would either fall or fly. It was frightening. In some ways, more frightening than his dreams. 

He felt the urge to run, the way he'd been running since New York. He let it pass. Running would be the easiest thing to do. That and hiding from the truth.

What was the truth?

The truth was he feared this thing between Spock and himself almost as much as he feared losing Spock. This connection between them was so...powerful. Kirk had never experienced that power before and it scared him.

At first he had thought it was some sort of reaction to that accidental touch. A random response that could be explained by the combination of stress and exhaustion that they had both been feeling. He had certainly never thought of Spock in a sexual manner before. At least that was what he had told himself. He knew better now.

The sexual attraction was perhaps unlooked for, but there was no denying its existence. What ever had caused it was beside the point, it was there. Kirk suspected that it had always been there, an underlying force, coloring their relationship from the beginning.

Kirk had come to realize just how much Spock was a part of his life. They practically breathed each other's air and lived in each other's space. They were inseparable. That was painfully clear now that Spock was no longer at his side. 

Now, when he thought of Spock, of how he looked with naked desire in his eyes; he would instantly become hard. The strength of his desire coming from a combination of mind, body, and soul merged into one. 

The thought of life without Spock left him groping. He had lost too much already, and now Spock would be forced to resign. Kirk had to salvage what he could, before it was too late and Spock was gone forever.

He reached for the door chime and pressed it.

"Enter"

Spock heard the doors open and stood up to greet his captain.

"Spock. Were you sleeping? I'm sorry for disturbing you. I can come back at a better time."

"I was not sleeping. Please come in."

Spock listened to the captain as he entered and let the doors close behind him. He could sense Kirk's hesitation. He stood be the door, not coming further into the room. Suddenly, Spock realized what was wrong. "Computer lights to full illumination."

"I'm sorry Spock. I should go."

"Captain, it is not an inconvenience, I assure you. I welcome your company. Stay."

"All right."

An awkward silence came over them. Spock could hear Kirk's breathing.

"Was there something I could do for you, sir?"

"No. I'm not sure why I came here. I wanted to see if you were all right. Do you need anything?"

Spock did not answer right away, letting the question hang in the air between them. I need you. 

"There is nothing I need, at the moment. Thank you Captain."

"Of course, Spock."

Another awkward silence settled over them. Spock did not know what to say. He listened to the Kirk fidget. The seconds ticked by.

"Well, I'd better let you rest."

Spock's heart stopped. This was it, the moment of truth. He felt Kirk head for the door.

"Jim."

Silence. Then the quiet sound of footsteps as Kirk approached him and stopped to stand in front of him. 

"Spock."

The nearness of him was intoxicating.

"Sir, as you know I will be taking my leave of you once we reach Starbase 10. I feel I must apologize to you, before I depart."

"What must you apologize, Spock? I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm the reason you have to leave."

"What happened is not your fault."

"No? You sound so sure. I am the commanding officer. Anything that happens to my crew is my fault."

"But-"

"But nothing, Spock."

"I was not speaking of Deneva."

"What then?" Spock could feel Kirk's gaze reading him. "What are you apologizing for? New York?"

Spock paused be for answering. "My actions during that mission were unpardonable. I should never have approached you in such a familiar way. It caused us to be...distant with each other. I regret that. Now I must leave. " 

Silence once again. 

"Why did you approach me in such a 'familiar' way?"

Spock was quiet for a moment, unsure of how to answer. "It was a logical action on my part. You were in pain. Humans often need physical contact when in pain or discomfort."

"Was that the only reason?" Kirk paused for a moment. Spock could smell Kirk's scent.

"Spock, were you aware that, as I held your hand, I could feel everything you felt?"

The wall of Spock's facade began to crumble. He felt the need to back away from the Kirk's proximity, but he was surrounded by Kirk's him scent. He recognized that smell now, the smell of musk. There was no escape.

"Are you aware that at this moment, I can feel your thoughts in mine? Not very loudly, more like a soft whisper. It comes and goes. Just after New York it was very strong, but it diminished quickly. When you were infected with the creature, sometimes I could feel the pain you were in, especially if I touched you. Just now...that was you, wasn't it, in my dream? That was really you." 
Spock felt Kirk come even closer. He could feel the humans body heat irradiate him. Spock did not know what to say. His pulse quickened and he began to feel a slight vertigo. 

"Captain, I-"

He stopped short as he felt Kirk take his hand and hold it in his own. 

"Was it just that touch that brought this on, this connection. Or was it more?"

Spock remained silent, trying to control his breathing. He could think of no words to say.

"I've asked myself that question over and over again these past weeks, and do you know what my answer is?"

Spock shook his head, no.

"Yes, there was more. Ever since I boarded this ship as her Captain you have been there, beside me. Every day I go to the bridge and you're there, waiting for me. You have become an extension of myself. I am no longer whole now that you're not there Spock. I'm sorry that it took Deneva to teach me that."

Spock bowed his head under the weight of Kirk's words. All he could do was concentrate on the warmth of Kirk's hand, afraid that this dream would end and he would wake to find himself alone in the darkness.

"Computer, lights out."

"Jim?"

"I want to see what you see. I want to feel what you feel."

Spock was entirely speechless. They stood facing each other in darkness as Kirk began to lightly caress the Vulcan's hand.

"I did some research. The touching of fingers on Vulcan is considered a very personal act. Something done by bonded couples only. It is equal to a 'kiss'. Am I correct?"

Spock managed to answer. "It is called the ta'al-tor ni'var, the 'touch of two who are one'."

"Two who are one? That's very fitting."

Kirk then placed his two fingers against Spock's.

Electricity charged up the Vulcan's arm causing him to gasp aloud. Green-gold fire spread quickly through to the rest of his body. The pleasure was incredible and threatened to overcome all of his senses. 

The link opened between them.

God Spock. How does that happen?

It should not. We are not formally bonded and I am not initiating a meld. However...

Yes.

Spock paused, unsure of how Kirk would react to this information. But he sensed no anger from Kirk, so he was encouraged to confess all.

There is a link between us, a fragile bond. I am not entirely sure how it evolved. Although, spontaneous bondings are not unheard of, they are rare. I knew of it soon after we left the Guardian's Planet. Yet, I was unsure how to approach you with the knowledge. I know I should have come to you with this.

Yes, you should have. But I don't blame you for not doing it. I haven't been very approachable.

Spock could not stop himself from leaning in towards Kirk.

Is it permanent?

Not at this time. We would need a Vulcan Healer to make it permanent. But continued mental contact such as this will cause it to grow stronger.

The conversation was becoming increasingly difficult to continue. Spock was trembling uncontrollably. He would not be able to control himself much longer.

Then there is no danger should we continue?

If that is what you wish?

Yes, I wish.

With that, Spock let the last of his remaining control fall. With his other hand he reached up to touch Kirk's face. Kirk was breathing hard. Spock could feel the tension that coursed through the human's body. He felt the answering tension in his own. 

Slowly, the Vulcan leaned forward, guiding Kirk's head with his hand, and gently kissed him.

Both men groaned at the contact. Spock reached for Kirk as he felt the human's arms wrap around his waist, closing the space between them. The sensation was jarring. Even more so was the feeling of Kirk's arousal clashing against his own answering hardness. The kiss escalated as they explored each other's mouths. Currents of pleasure continued to travel between them at each touch. Jolts of raw voltage, causing them both to gasp.

The kiss deepened and became questing. Tongues came into play. Spock raised his hands and placed them on Kirk's neck, feeling the soft hairs at the base. 

Kirk searched for an entrance through Spock's tunic, desperate to feel that Vulcan warmth.

Spock let out a strangled sound as Kirk's hands found his abdomen. But they didn't stop there. His hands searched everywhere, finally resting on Spock's nipples. He lightly teased them with both of his thumbs causing Spock to break the kiss and bury his face into Kirk's neck. 

The stimulation was foreign to Spock and it was fast proving to be too much. But Kirk was ruthless and brought his arms around to feel the soft skin of Spock's lower back.

Spock began to back up, pulling Kirk with him, as they found their way through darkness to the bed. Kirk guided the Vulcan to a sitting position and proceeded to remove Spock's tunic. Quickly he discarded his own and sat next to Spock and gathered the Vulcan into his arms.

They both sighed as they let the silky smooth feel of skin on skin wash over them. Kirk started kissing Spock's neck, traveling up and down. He paused at the adams apple, then moved on and around to make love to one pointed ear. Spock clutched at Kirk desperately, making muffled noises into Kirk's neck. 

Kirk's hands never stopped moving, up the Vulcan's back, to his shoulders, then back down the well-sculpted arms. They came to rest at the hard center of heat below Spock's stomach. Kirk gently began to stroke that hardness through the clothing, causing the Vulcan to lurch against him. Kirk unclasped the Spock's pants and desperately shoved the underwear out of the way, seeking that alien hardness. Spock began to shudder in earnest.

"Jim." Spock's harsh whisper broke the silence that had cloaked the room.

"Yes Spock?" 

"Jim I...I do not know...I have never-"

Kirk stopped. He leaned his forehead against Spock's and brought his hands up to rest them on the Vulcan's neck. He was breathing very hard. So was Spock.

"Do you want to stop? Is this too fast?"

"No. I do not wish to stop. I-" Spock reached up to touch Kirk's face, tracing the human's features with his fingers. He brought his other hand down and rested it on top of Kirk's straining erection.

Show me how to give pleasure T'hy'la.

Kirk swallowed with some difficulty, trying to clear the lump in his throat. He could feel his heart thumping loudly in his ears. 

He suddenly felt he was in a dream, the most beautiful dream he'd ever had. But this was no dream. Not with the reality of Vulcan hardness pressing against his hand. Not with Spock's breath warm against his neck.

He moved from the bed to the floor and knelt in front of the Vulcan, removing his shoes. He stood up and pulled Spock up with him.

"Jim."

"Shhh." Kirk silenced him with a finger. He began to push the other man's pants and briefs to below his waist, releasing Spock's cock. With difficulty, Kirk ignored that seductive maleness and continued with his task. Once they were down far enough, he pushed Spock gently back on to the bed. Taking each leg in hand, he removed the pants and tossed then aside. 

"Lie down. I'll be right there."

Spock did as he was told. His over sensitive skin felt raw against the texture of the blanket beneath him. He heard the quiet movements as Kirk moved around the quarters.

Just as he was about to get up and find him, Kirk sank into the bed next to him, naked. Spock let out a deep sigh as he pulled Kirk on top, letting the human drape over him. Spock's mouth found Kirk's as their cocks collided with a burst of electricity. 

Kirk moaned into Spock's mouth. I don't think you need to learn much, my friend. Spock reached around and brought his hands to rest on Kirk's smooth backside, caressing the sensitive skin as he brought himself up to grind his own cock against Kirk's.

Spock maneuvered himself from underneath Kirk to lie at his side, trailing kisses along Kirk's neck and collarbone. But there is so much I do not know. Teach me.

Spock found one of Kirk's nipples and began to tongue it, delighting in the salty taste. Kirk silently gasped as Spock continued on to the other nipple. 

OK. Give me your hand. Their hands found each other. Kirk then moved them down in between their bodies and wrapped Spock's around his erection.

Up and down. Be firm but gentle...Oh God. Yes. Like that.

Spock had never felt such velvet hardness before. The feel of Kirk's arousal in his hand, the heaviness of the sac; he could spend eternity in this one moment.

Kirk's breathing became ragged as Spock continued to bring his captain closer and closer to the edge. The human started thrusting against Spock's hand while he sought out Spock's mouth, reclaiming it with his tongue. 

Spock...I...won't take very long.

Kirk's hands squeezed Spock's arms as he felt a wave of pleasure flow out of him. He came in shuddering spasms, spilling his seed onto their stomachs. 

With the last of the spasms, Kirk let out a sigh and nestled his nose into the crook of Spock's neck.

"You're a quick study, Mr. Spock."

"You are satisfied?"

Kirk chuckled softly. "You could say that." He let his hand roam down Spock's arm, down to the Vulcan's pelvis. 

An emotion that Spock did not recognize welled up in his throat. He was aroused beyond recognition, but he was gripped with uncertainty. He was very much an innocent when it came to physical pleasure. He wanted, he needed, he desired, yet he feared the abyss of that total lack of control that came with sexual abandonment. But he could not ignore the burning in his blood; the burning that was ignited by Kirk; his Captain, his friend, and now his lover. He would have to part from this heaven all too soon. He would not, indeed he could not, deny himself this one experience.

Kirk felt the shift in Spock as he came to a decision. Some of the tension left the lithesome form and he relaxed against his body. Kirk raised himself onto his elbows, leaning over to plant little kisses all along Spock's face. With the edge of the blanket, he began to wipe the Vulcan clean. Spock then took the blanket from his hands and proceeded to do the same to Kirk.

From the bedside table, Kirk brought a small bottle of hand lotion. He took Spock's cock in hand and began to apply the lotion with soft strokes. 

At the first touch, Spock inhaled sharply, lost in the spreading heat that emanated from his groin. It was an indescribable feeling to the Vulcan, who had never allowed himself release of any kind. 

Breathe, Spock. 

Spock took a shuddering breath. Then he took another one, calling upon his mastery to help him rein in his desire.

Sit up. Spock sat up onto his knees, sensing what was needed from him. Kirk handed him the lotion as he slowly shattered Spock again with a breathtaking kiss.

Do you know what to do?

I believe so.

With that, Spock felt Kirk pull away and kneel on all fours in front of him.

Spock took a moment to steady himself. Then he poured a generous amount of the lotion onto his hand. With the other he felt for the smooth skin of Kirk's behind. 

You are beautiful.

In answer, Kirk spread his legs wider, giving the Vulcan easier access to the small opening. A guttural sound escaped Kirk's lips as Spock began to smooth the lotion. 

Spock was fascinated by the many textured feel of his lover's most intimate of places. He knew he must prepare Kirk for his entrance, but was suddenly unsure of how to do so. 

Start with one finger. Kirk gently prodded. 

Spock slipped one finger in, letting it rest there in the heat of Kirk's body. He pulled out, then added a second finger, scissoring to stretch Kirk's entrance. His other hand rested on the fleshy part of Kirk's backside, massaging it lightly. 

More guttural noises floated up from Kirk as Spock continued to stretch him. The sounds were too much for the overtaxed Vulcan. He could not wait any longer. Bracing his hands on either side of the human he positioned himself and slowly entered.

The sensation was unlike any other he had ever experienced in his life. He felt as if he had entered a circle of molten heat with Kirk at the center. The tightness was exquisite and excruciating at the same time. Spock felt that he would black out from the intensity of it all.

Kirk would not let him. 

The human started undulating, pushing back to take more of Spock into him. Instinct took over and Spock began to move slowly. Then faster as Kirk increased the rhythm, demanding harder and faster thrusts.

"Spock." His name hung in the air, breaking the silence that had engulfed them. Somehow Spock got Kirk's message and reached around to take Kirk's renewed hardness in his hand.

A gentle motion with his hand. Their heavy breathing. The increasing sounds of slapping skin as they climbed together. Desperate, Spock shook as he reached to open the link and placed his hand on Kirk's face. He needed to complete the circle, needed to feel Kirk's warmth in his mind. 
One touch. The world dropped away and they became fused. 

Their frenzied movement went to new heights as Kirk drove against Spock, impaling himself. Suddenly, he came, crying out into the pillow in a muffled heap. One second later Spock erupted in wave after wave after wave. 

They lay spooned together with Spock holding Kirk in his arms. His inner time sense told him it was 06:45. 

Kirk slept the deep dreamless sleep of the exhausted. Spock regretted that he would have to wake him in 5 minutes. He needed this sleep. But the captain had asked him to wake him at 06:50 in order to be on the bridge no later then 7:30. 

Spock thought about the reversal of fortune he had just experienced. In reality his situation had not changed. He must still leave the Enterprise; he must still leave his captain. But he was no longer plagued by dark emotions as he had been last night.

The thought of leaving Kirk was unpleasant, at best. It would be a difficult moment. Spock could not lie to himself. Perhaps more difficult then the past month had been. But, he reminded himself; Starbase 10 was three days away. For now, he held his desire in his arms, warm and comforting against his flesh. 

Spock placed his hand on Kirk's shoulder to wake him.

"I'm awake." 

Kirk rolled over to face Spock. Spock felt warm fingers touch his face, outlining his upswept eyebrow.

"How are you?"

"I am well. And you?"

He got a kiss as his answer, a slow amorous kiss.

"Jim," he muffled into Kirk's mouth, "you must rise or you shall be late."

This time he got a groan as his answer. But Kirk obeyed and left their pocket of warmth. 

"Computer lights."

Suddenly Spock cried out in pain and clutched his head, covering his eyes from the light.

"Spock! What is it? What's wrong?" Spock heard the fear in Kirk's voice.

"The light." Spock managed to croak out as he helplessly attempted to cover his head with his hands. 

"Computer, lights at 10%." As soon as the lights dimmed, Spock immediately stopped his writhing. Kirk kneeled in front of Spock at the foot of the bed. "Is that better?" 

"Yes, thank you."

"Spock what just happened?"

"I am not sure Jim. One moment I was fine, the next there was a sharp pain behind my eyes. I do not know what it could mean."

"We've got to get you to sickbay." Kirk immediately rose and dressed himself. His clothes from yesterday would have to do for the moment. He would worry about appearances later, after he got Spock to sickbay.

Finished with himself he turned to help Spock with his clothes. While Spock put on his shoes, Kirk turned to the intercom to call sickbay.

"Captain look. Mr. Spock!" The yeoman excitedly pointed to the turbolift doors. Kirk turned his head and watched as his First Officer walked briskly by him on his way to the science station.

"Spock." Kirk said quietly, the shock he felt revealed in his voice. "You can see?"

Spock looked at Kirk without answering, preferring to let the small smile that played in his eyes and at the corners of his mouth serve as his reply.